Caught in the Act

This morning I caught myself again in the act of “shoulding” myself. I “should” do this, I “should” be that. Why aren’t I doing more than
I am? I’m just not good enough. And I kicked myself like I often do, bringing back ancient feelings of shame and guilt. Old patterns die hard, don’t they? We are so much the product of our past and change sometimes seems so hard.

But, I worked on it, yes, “again!” And I silently prayed to see it all differently, “again!” And Divine Spirit answered, this time much more quickly than in the past. You see, I’ve been working on this issue for a long time, and I’ve built a whole new conversation in my mind around my “shoulds.” I guess it’s getting easier and easier to jump back into my new mode of thinking and being.

The important piece that came to me this morning, was that not being where I thought I should be was the exact circumstance I needed in order to keep choosing to love myself. I figure that if I always was where I expected myself to be, I would get no practice at this incredibly valuable lesson – you know, the one about choosing love and non-judgment for myself and for others. I figure that if I don’t know how to choose it for myself, how can I help others who might experience similar difficulties. And if I really want to help free others from the bondage of negative thinking, then don’t I have to learn how to do it myself?

I had to remind myself that we’re all creative beings, and that as such, we are always expanding, moving on to new experiences, new desires. In my case, I’ve noticed that ideas keep coming to me – fresh ideas that I want to act on, things I want to accomplish, ways I want to help people, activities I want to encounter, new business ideas, new “reaching out” ideas, more life to live! So I go, go, go and then become ill, and have to stop in my tracks.

Yes, I’ve encountered health challenges along my way, as I’ve mentioned in my book, and the latest of those was a virus that led to a cough that has lingered for a long time. After getting checked out by my doctor, and finding out that everything was ok, I came to realize that I just needed to slow down a bit and learn from this. So the cycle began – not being able to do everything I wanted, not being able to accomplish all I had intended to etc. etc. Then the “I’m not good enough” stuff reeling through my mind.

But I’m really happy to say this time that I am letting myself be. I’m getting off my own back. I am choosing love, no matter what. I am seeing this
differently. I am good enough just the way I am. This is my journey, my path, my road. And no matter what anyone else might think, I am learning
exactly what I came here to learn.
And I don’t need to feel guilty about that, or ashamed, for I can honestly say that I’ve grown in this life, and that I keep moving closer and
closer to goals that I set long ago in childhood. If I look at my greatest desires, those of attaining inner peace, and extending that peace outward to others, I must say that I’ve made great strides in that direction.

I am eternal. I’m not on a deadline. Whatever loose ends I leave in this life, I have nothing but time ahead of me to tie them up. My joy lies in the NOW! I am happy to be here. I am honored to be given this chance to learn and to share my learnings.
It is a privilege to have the friends and family that I do, to accomplish tasks, or just to be. Life is for loving. That’s what I know today.

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About the writer: Dr. Laurie Pappas

About Dr. Laurie Pappas Hi. I’m Laurie Pappas, and I’m just like you, having coped with fear, stress, anger and pain. Now I know that it’s possible to reach a place of wholeness and peace, and I realize that a higher level of health and wellness is more achievable than I ever before believed. I grow and learn more every day, and I am eternally grateful for the amazing journey I’ve been on and continue to experience. I’m an educator, counselor, speaker, writer, trained mediator and life coach. I live and teach using ancient psycho-spiritual principles, which have proven themselves to me time and again. In 1990, I had the good fortune of co-founding the Metro Detroit Center for Attitudinal Healing, a non-profit center, whose activities I directed for 16 years. I have been counseling for 20 years, using the principles I have come to know and honor. During this time, I’ve taught classes and workshops, and trained support group leaders, in addition to writing articles for a large Detroit metaphysical newspaper. As a young adult, while I was working in elementary education, I began my search for the underlying causes of disharmony and discord among school children. Several years later, community service work for the hungry and homeless brought my attention to the role that the mind plays in creating abundance or scarcity, peace or conflict. In addition, my own life trials sent me searching for solutions to inner peace and harmony in my personal life and in the lives of people in general. I was eventually led to the field of Guidance and Counseling and later to the study of Metaphysics, where I was finally able to obtain satisfying answers to my questions, and workable solutions to many of life’s challenges. I had the privilege of being program chairperson of the 7th Annual Conference on Nonviolence, Peace and Prosperity in Detroit, in the spring of 2005, during which time I worked with the wonderful people involved with the Martin Luther King Center in Southeast Michigan. I’m committed to the inspiration and growth of all those with whom I have the honor of working, and to the creation of cultures grounded in harmony, wellness, compassion and peace. My greatest joy comes from sharing this journey with you. I know that my most powerful strength lies in the bonds I make with you, for the purpose of healing ourselves and our planet. I’m honored to have your presence here, and look forward to our valued connection.

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