Relationships are the most important experiences of our lives. Our entire reality and experience is created from, and based upon, our relationship with ourselves, people and the world around us. This may sound obvious; yet few people stop, step back, and take a deeper look at this powerful and compelling entity known as relationships.
Nothing in our lives brings us more joy, peace and fulfillment and creates more pain, suffering and tragedy in our lives than our relationships. Virtually everything we know and understand about ourselves is created through, and understood from, our relationships. This is what makes them the most sacred and powerful path we can walk in order to heal, awaken and fulfill our soul’s purpose of awakening.
The most important relationship we have, and the basis of all of the relationships we create and experience in our life, is the relationship with ourselves. A spiritual truth that speaks to this is: Everyone and everything in our life is a reflection of us in some way. In other words: What I love and respect about someone else is the things I love and respect about me. What I judge and dislike in another is a reflection of something I judge, dislike or have disowned about myself.
Most people don’t realize this because they have forgotten, and don’t know who they really are. We have all created false selves, personas, masks, beliefs and roles in our lives that we have mistakenly come to believe is who we really are. Most of us spend the first half of our lives forgetting who we are and the second half trying to remember. The journey of rediscovering, remembering and awakening to our True Self happens through our relationships.
Our relationships with others force us to acknowledge both our perfection as souls and our limitations as personalities. Because all relationships are based on soul, we have the opportunity to gain a sense of meaning in life through our relationships. Soul shows us the bigger picture. Soul creates deeper connection; it fulfills and responds to the true needs in our life and the lives of others.
We are always challenged in relationships to accept the unknown of ourselves and the unknown of the other. Therefore, meeting this challenge must be founded on trust. You must trust that your mate will get whatever they need from you, and that you will get whatever you need from them. Six things you can do to increase trust in your relationship:
1. Stop judging, attacking or making your partner wrong or not good enough.
2. Don’t be afraid to admit when you are wrong or have been hurtful.
3. Apologize and clean up your messes when you have caused issues or hurt your partner.
4. Acknowledge and validate each other’s feelings and experiences, even when theirs is different than yours.
5. Express your love and appreciation for the good you have together and in each other.
6. Keep promises and commitments
Intimacy is an important aspect of all relationships, and it differs according to the relationship. Intimacy exposes the unconscious and teaches us trust. Intimacy helps us to recognize needs, and it awakens the love within us to respond to those needs. It especially empowers us to meet our own needs. Intimacy says, ‘you are acceptable and lovable just as you are’.
Merging the Couple’s Path with the Spiritual Journey
The need for love and acceptance is a spiritual need as much as it is an emotional one. Many people unconsciously project their own issues, self-judgment and shadow aspects onto their mate. They expect the other person to provide a level of unconditional love and security far beyond that which is humanly possible or what they are willing to give themselves; and, as a result, they continually feel betrayed. One of the biggest relationship challenges and killers is the expectation of your partner to provide you with a sense of love, trust, connection and intimacy that you have not given to yourself. We cannot expect from others what we have not given to ourselves, or are willing to give to them without conditions. Use this experience to become more self-aware of what you need to give to yourself, or take responsibility for in the relationship, instead of expecting your partner to take care of it for you.
Those who practice self-awareness in their relationships, take responsibility for their own wants, needs and issues. They stop looking for others to save them or give them the love and acceptance they have not found or given to themselves. They see their mate as a sacred partner on the journey of healing and awakening. Responsible partners use the pain and challenges in the relationship to work on their own wounds and false beliefs. They understand their mate is just a mirror of all they love and accept, or judge and dislike, about themselves.
By facing our own challenges with self-love, acceptance and intimacy, we can be open and honest on all levels. As a result, we can transform intimate relationships from bloody battlefields or sterile stalemates into rich and beautiful arenas for spiritual growth and freedom. In this way we rise to our most loving and most authentic self in life, the truth of who we are at the soul level.
CRYSTAL L. COCKERHAM
Facilitator. Mentor. Energy Guide.
Center: 855.200.SOUL (7685)