In the month of February, with Valentine’s Day, my thoughts tend to reflect upon my own romantic relationship with my loved one. I find this to be true of most of my clients. Being my clients, usually this is a cry for love as most are involved in what they perceive as difficult relationships, including the relationship they have with their self.
In a healthy relationship, each partner is able to help the other to heal their childhood wounds and act with love and compassion. That’s right. You are actually with your partner to work through and heal your childhood wounds while supporting your partner in working through and healing their wounds. The only way to do this is through love and compassion. The more love and compassion you have for yourself, the more you are able to give to others because you actually own it and know who you are as your foundation of being.
And, whether you like it or not, as your vibrational frequency attracts someone with the similar vibrations, your partner’s emotional maturity is most likely about the same as yours! So, when you are connected with your True and Highest Self, knowing your Self for the love and light you are, and act with love and compassion, you will attract another who knows that they are love and light, and act accordingly. You will literally be drawn together like magnets.
Even when in healthy and loving relationships, there can be some bumpy patches! These are opportunities for growth, not reasons for abandonment (otherwise you will just attract a person with that energy again!). These are opportunities for choosing to act from love and light, rather than react from past patterns and fear. For, we now are aware that others are reflections of who we perceive we are on a subconscious level, and so we have the opportunity to love them, thereby also loving ourselves.
In fact, sometimes when things are most difficult, and you feel you want to end a relationship, this can be a holy encounter…. a purifying fire so that new growth has a chance to occur… if you so choose growth and introspection. When you are really fighting, and going through the depths of despair, it’s like a forest fire which clears the space for new growth to come… it’s a symbol of an opportunity for transformation.
We can choose to embrace this growth, or we can embrace our egos and hold on tight to our righteous anger, fear, sense of betrayal or abandonment, or whatever the negative feelings and thoughts you have to defend your ego with. And, the ego is about the development of a child’s survival defenses and being right, the attempt to hide from shame the childhood wounds that are crying to be healed. The universe lovingly allows you to attract a partner to help you in your healing of the wounds by pointing them out to you if you are mindful to look for them.
So, if you feel like your world is falling apart, go within and look for what wounds the Creator is showing you so you have the opportunity to heal. For once you work through and heal you, your vibration changes and your partner can either grow in vibration with you or will suddenly desire to leave if they are unwilling or are emotionally unready to recognize and work through their wounds as you support them with love and compassion. Remember, we are in relationship only with those whose vibrations and emotional maturity match ours. Once they are out of sync, there is true dis-harmony and one will leave to find harmony, even if the energy is “ugly” or “distorted” in the same way as theirs. It’s like listening to a symphony… and the notes are in harmony…. then one instrument goes flat…. that instrument is in
discord and the musician will stop playing until they can tune their instrument. Same with relationships.
A person no longer in harmony will choose to heal or leave.
This applies even if they are unmindful of it. For example, if a couple grows to argue a lot, and one of them stops and works through a wound, healing it, most likely the person who is still stuck in the arguing script or vibration will suddenly find themselves uncomfortable, try to get the other back on track by “picking arguments” and when that doesn’t work, will leave the relationship with the healed vibration or will learn to work it out in a healthy and loving way with their partner.
Your relationships are also mirrors of how you really think of yourself. So, if you act out of and feel deep love, liking who you are when you are with your partner, great! You are both mirroring the love and compassion you are with each other! Conversely, if you are in a relationship that your partner berates you in, or somehow shows a lack of respect, and you feel disrespected, how do you disrespect yourself? How do you talk to yourself? Do your actions show a respect for you?
If you are with someone who discounts your feelings, how do you discount your feelings? Being yelled at? How are you yelling at yourself? And, look for when you may have experienced this pattern of thoughts and feelings before. Once you recognize them, you can work through and heal them, then act from love, be the love you are, and chances are your partner will also change their behavior and then their thoughts and feelings, breaking a dysfunctional pattern to allow love to flow, connecting you both through love, not fear.
Valentine’s Day is a day with great anticipation and expectations… try letting go of these and instead, go inside, connect with your True Self, the love and light you are. Then, if you are in relationship with another being, act from this loving energy in the present moment. If you are not in relationship with another, you can still celebrate the love and light you are by treating yourself with love, light and compassion, letting go of any judgments and just enjoy being the love and light you are, doing something loving for your self.
Let your Valentine’s Day, and every day, be filled with love and light!