Have you ever had the experience of watching someone you love in the process of seemingly sabotaging their life?
There is a huge lesson in this for you, too. While we might hope they will change their ways, see the light, or learn from the experience, we forget that this “holy encounter” is ours too. That this is an experience for us as well, and for all concerned; it is for our own best interest and is happening for all, not just the person we are concerned about.
It is nice to know that our experiences happen for us, not to us; yet when we are in the throes of the experience, it may (probably) not seem that way. I have had the experience lately ( a few months, years..) of watching someone I love experience life in a way I could not have anticipated; in a way which will, if he continues, to strip him down to the bare bones, losing his carefully created societal persona and material goods. Those who are connected to this person, who love this person, are by connection — by the energetic feeling connection — tend to be brought down themselves along with him, the elders wanting to save him, his peers now avoiding him. The family feels helpless and overwhelmed. All truly involved feel helpless and overwhelmed.
Yet, when we consider that EVERYTHING is in OUR own best interest, we can be more in the moment, going within and realizing that we each have our own life. That perhaps this IS the path this person has agreed to be on for their own best interest; the path they have in some way chosen as their way toward self-actualization. Who are we to say otherwise?
Their path is theirs. OUR PATH IS OURS. And, while we can be there as loving support for them, they are responsible for their own actions and the consequences of those actions. We cannot, and it is not always our purpose to save them from themselves. They have to be open to your support and wisdom, to their own inner self, their highest self. That’s right.
It is their life, not yours; as difficult as that is to accept and process.
Many people that I see find it difficult to let go of loved ones and to stop enabling them, to stop trying to save them. In fact, many go from one ‘saving’ relationship to another saving relationship. Really, these relationships are about YOU; what you can learn, how you can grow, heal your childhood wounds and know your Self, transform yourself. In fact, many of my clients begin to really process, feel and know, connect with their divine self only to then start a relationship, have a child, or a parent who suddenly “needs” them, and go off on another illusion, forgetting, disconnecting with themselves and losing their sense of true self.
At these points, we have another opportunity to let go of our old patterns, and remember who WE are. That might even mean to be with a person, connect with the person, love the person, and not get sucked down into their energy which, or course, will connect with our past patterns of being; the energy of our parents, siblings, experiences…. anything we have not completely worked out on a deeper level. Yes, this is another growth for us, not just for them.
While the other person is the identified person that “needs fixing”, you are having the opportunity for this holy encounter for a reason, your growth. Also, to know, on an even deeper level, that this world is unreal, temporary.
Only our spirit, the part of us that is divine, is real; that none of this really matters except what we learn from the experiences. That being said, the brother who is a drug addict, it’s somehow HIS path to the divine. YOURS might be to let go and let God…. trust that our Creator has everyone in the palm of the divine. You know the saying, “Man makes plans and God laughs” What would happen if we did our job and just let go and be love? That’s right — what if our only purpose is to know that we are actually made in the image of our Creator and therefore are love and light?
That means that the only responsibility we would have is to BE LOVE. Wow. What a concept. To be love for ourselves and others when they give a cry for love. What if all “bad” behavior and decisions are actually a cry for love, not demands, judgments, money, yelling. That when we don’t answer with love, we are answering from our ego, our false self/persona that we have developed as a defense, a way to survive in the world as children. What if we answer from a place of true self/love realizing this is ALL for our own growth? That this is all a hologram that we have created with the help of our Creator for our own self-actualization? What if?
If you are like me, (and since you are still here like me growing towards self-actualization in this plane of existence) you have a difficult time coming from a place of love when you feel threatened; like when you feel fear that you might lose a loved one to drugs, cancer, homelessness, abandonment, etc. I often find myself being demanding, my actions rigid and unloving, feeling like my head is swimming or “seeing red”; anything that comes from fear and not the soft, loving heart. I know later that I did not come from my authentic self and have actually pushed the person further away, yet connected even more with their negative energy. After all, I gave them my power by sucking up their energy, and acted from there, not love. When I realize this, I can take a breath (or 30), re-connect with my higher self/love, reaffirm who I AM, then go back with love and apologize while keeping connected with Source/Love, and go from there.
Then I can really listen, really guide that person if they are open to love and acceptance. First, I have to model, feel the love and acceptance myself, then, as we are already connected, that may be enough for change. Sometimes the person is so stuck, so defensive, that they will actually be unable to stay in a space of love with you; there is too much discord and will actively choose to reject love at that time, possibly even leave. It’s OK. That is their choice and their path, remember? Yours might not include them at that time, yet they will always know you are willing to offer love, the true reality.
As long as you know that all there is is energy, love, and that this material world just seems real so that we can have an experience, I find it’s easier to love and accept that we all have our own life, our own path to self-actualization. That remaining connected and true to our TRUE SELF and our Creator, being love and light is our true calling, our true purpose and job, in any encounter, because all encounters are holy and are there for OUR benefit, even when it’s not apparent at the time.
So, be true to your TRUE SELF! Go forth and LOVE!
Love and Light,