Questions to Stimulate Intimacy

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By Robert C. Jameson, Ph. D.

I often hear couples who have been with each other for a long time say, “I just don’t know what to say or what to talk about. It seems like we’ve talked ourselves out.” Maybe.

However, after some exploration, I discovered there are a lot of things that many couples don’t know about each other. At the same time, there are a lot of things that couples can discuss, which can actually help deepen their relationship and create more intimacy.

Below you will find a series of questions designed to open up a dialogue between two people, so they can really get to know each other, which will allow for more love and for more intimacy to develop between them. I see these questions as a form of fore-play. As you go through these questions, please take your time. There’s no need to rush to complete them. And, after you’ve gone through them once or twice, go through them again. Don’t be surprised if more is revealed each time you answer these questions. So, let’s open up and discover who we are and who that wonderful person sitting next to you truly is!

What gift that you’ve received put a smile on your face?

What surprises you? Do you like surprises?

What gives you joy?

What would an exceptional day from morning to night look like?

How do you describe yourself? How do others describe you?

What would you like to accomplish this year?

What did you dream about when you were young?

Tell me an adventure you had?

What holds your attention or focus these days?

What are you grateful for?

How do you create a sanctuary or a sacred space? What does it look like?

What qualities do you want in a dear friend?

What do you love about yourself? What do you want to change?

What principles or values do you hold true?

What mistakes turned out to be positive growth points?

What do you wish you could tell your younger self?

What do you want to tell the person you’ll be four years from now?

What advice or information you received changed your life?

What do you want to spend more time doing?

What or who motivates or inspires you?

What makes you feel alive and joyful?

What past positive experience would you like to relive?

What have you discovered about yourself and others?

What have you always known?

What do you want to be better at?

What’s worth taking a risk for?

How do you want people to remember you?

Licensed marriage/family therapist, Robert C. Jameson, Ph. D., helps clients understand and overcome issues such as anger, hurt, depression and anxiety, and maintain love and healthy relationships. He gave his clients “homework” handouts to support their work while in session, and The Keys to Joy-Filled Living was born. Visit: or call: 310-395-7047.


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