Asking for help from others can bring great blessings into our lives, as well as to those who respond to our request. But sometimes it can lead to a sticky situation which we would rather avoid. Some people never ask for help because they don’t want to be vulnerable or judged, and some people ask for help when they could do it for themselves and grow stronger in the process. How do we know when to ask for help or to tough it out ourselves? Here are some thoughts about that question.
This question arose for me when one of my most trusted colleagues, who was a student of mine several years ago, said that she was trying to find her way out of a predicament, and asked herself, “What would Eve do?” and the answer she provided herself was that Eve would ask for help! I loved that, because it is true, but also because the reason she would know that is because she is one of the rare people I would ask for help! I have learned the hard way that where possible it is best to do for myself, and through that I have grown increasingly strong, confident and capable. But I then had to relearn to ask for help at the right times and from the right people. This was part of allowing the universe to love and support me, once I had claimed my own power within.
I can recall times earlier in my life when I was feeling uncertain about what to do, and before I even thought it through I was on the phone to someone who was happy to provide answers. It’s funny because the universe determined at that point that I would receive incorrect answers from others whenever I was not properly using my own gifts to make my choices. It must be in my soul’s contracts that “Eve will learn to use her own gifts and realize her potential”, because that is truly how it plays out for me. Because of this I have learned to do my best before asking for help.
Sometimes when we ask for help, the assistance comes with a great deal of baggage attached such as judgments, resentments and attitudes that aren’t true or fair; and it just hardly seems worth it all. Maybe that is a necessary encouragement to do our best before asking. Alternately, it may be an opportunity to love ourselves, be grateful for the help and let the baggage go. Most of the opinions and judgments people express reflect them, and have very little to do with anyone else.
What I love about asking for help from the right person at the right time is how it becomes a mutual blessing! Sometimes helping someone else allows a person to see their own self or life in a new light, or, the one who gives is also nourished by the giving. Sometimes a person loves the one who asks so much, that it is a gift just to be with them, doing something that builds memories and opens pathways of deeper connection. Sometimes when you need help but don’t want to ask for it, you might ask yourself if there is someone that you know who would really be glad to help, and to whom the opportunity to give would be a gift as well.
As a healer and teacher, my greatest service sometimes is to tell someone that they have work to do of their own before we should work together. In finding their own way, they will actualize their power and truth on the deepest levels. When a person is capable of that, it is truly the best thing on every level to do it themselves. The challenges we contract for in our lives are there for our growth; and if we avoid responsibility for rising to that occasion, then challenges will arrive in increasingly difficult forms until we are forced to overcome them through our own power. The universe and our Higher Self are masters of unconditional love and offer us these opportunities, because the gifts of overcoming them are enormous and essential, and because we can do it ourselves! In these cases, only necessary help will be available to the person until they have fulfilled their task.
When a person gives too much to those they love, taking on burdens that the other needs to handle themselves, they may create the need in that person for a larger life crisis which they must handle for their own self. The one who gives too much may also not realize that they are avoiding their own tasks for personal development by focusing on other people’s needs. It can feel so good to help others! But if we abandon ourselves to do it, the backlash can be ugly. The ones we give too much to may not appreciate it, in fact, they may resent it. And our own lives can get undermined when we don’t stay centered and care for our own needs first.
There are no clear rules for deciding whether to ask for help, but hopefully these thoughts will help you when the question arises in your own life!