Pleasure as a Holiday Gift


How often do you allow pleasure into your body without the help of food, another person or a chemical? Did you know studies have shown an orgasm lowers your stress hormones, resets your immune system and promotes cell rejuvenation?

If someone could put this healing into a pill…they would. However, you have this gift at your fingertips! (Literally and figuratively) Why wouldn’t you allow yourself this gift daily?

Maybe you don’t allow yourself this life-affirming gift because you don’t know how? Sexual pleasure… like happiness… is a skill; we must study and develop our capacity. It is a myth that pleasure or happiness comes naturally. Most of us simply have not been taught the tools needed to be happy and/or orgasm. How would our life be today, if as a developing child, we had ceremonies to honor our sexual development, learned self-acceptance processes and were taught meditation?!? Understanding the brokenness of our culture helps a person realize, without shame, their need for support and study. You are not broken… most our systems are. Just our lack of daily contact with nature and the fast pace of our materialistic society has created a level of dissociative mental frenzy in most people.

Maybe you don’t orgasm because your body cannot relax and feel safe? Research has shown a person who is female-identified can ONLY orgasm when they feel safe!! A female identified person usually does not feel safe, because she does not know how to communicate needs and boundaries. It is also crucial for a male-identified person to communicate needs. However, this communication is usually needed so he doesn’t feel suffocated by commitment, love, and intimacy. Communicating needs and boundaries help us to open our hearts to love and to orgasm!!

Trusting another is always about trusting yourself. Trusting yourself means listening to your body and discerning a clear “yes” or “no”. The stronger your “no” the deeper your “yes” to joy, orgasm, God, emotional intimacy, and commitment can be. This concept may seem contradictory. However, it is only when you root into your space like a huge oak tree, will you feel peacefully One with the forest.

“There are no negative emotions” Robert Augustus Masters Ph.D., Spiritual Bypassing.

Begin to see your emotions as signals that your needs are not being met. Making this shift with your emotions may require a facilitator. If you have asked yourself “Why didn’t I stand up for myself?” or “Why didn’t I ask for more!?” You didn’t ask because, in that moment, you either did not have the tools or capacity to do so. You can NOT be aware of your true needs and desires if you don’t honor your emotions. We do the best we can with what we know in the moment. Forgive yourself…

Ask and you shall receive” Mathew 7:7

YET, choice and/or ASKING is a function of self- awareness. Asking from an emotionally aware place is powerful healing medicine to the heart, the key to manifesting your dreams and intimacy. If you ask clearly (from a person or the Universe) for what you need; you might just get it. Asking does not need to be pretty, put together or perfect… just authentic to what you really need.

All relationships and sex are a negotiation. Daily developing yourself awareness and self-pleasure allows you the capacity to love deep without the fear of losing yourself. Boundaries allow greater pleasure and authentic embodied joy.

There might also be difficulty allowing an orgasm because of trauma from childhood. This is very common for both women and men, unfortunately. Healing this trauma very often requires working with a body based therapist, regular time in nature, and daily cultivation of pleasure. It has been my honor and privilege over the years to help people open to love, realize their divine purpose and/or reclaim their sexual life force. Weekly groups, retreats, and individual sessions are available; love to meet with you.

Sexual energy is just energy, and when feeling in the body without adding shame, will lead to deeper connections with Life, God, and your True Self. By its very nature, sexual energy seeks to unify, bring together, promote copulation, and creativity. Sexual energy, when feeling as one’s own energy and not attached to a person or negative story, does heal the body.

Happiness not based on conditions and the capacity to feel pleasure comes from going slow, being consistency and daily practice. Slow is fast. Divine order, harmony, Grace or infinite intelligence takes care of the “fast” your only “job” is the “slow”. Begin to take little baby steps toward your joy. Like an orgasm, living your purpose and happiness comes from a combination of self-awareness, and practice.

Sexual energy when feeling with reverence promotes a deeper communion with the natural world and brings forth a felt embodied sweetness with life. There are beauty, creativity, and joy waiting to express through and as you. You deserve to be happy. Be willing to learn how. I hope you are inspired to give yourself the gift of orgasm for the holidays and every day!

Barbra White


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