When I think of independence, freedom is the first thing that comes to mind, yet deadlines and commitments in the queue and responsibilities to others can stretch us beyond what we think we are capable of. Is freedom being able to run away and renounce our chosen obligations? Or have we simply gotten caught up in it all? Perhaps the hamster needs a break from the wheel.
Maybe we’ve told ourselves that in order to have independence and freedom, we have to make more money and take more hours at work. Canceling or rescheduling commitments says that we can’t be counted on, or we aren’t serious about what we signed up for. Are we free if we let others down? Are we free if guilt creeps in?
For me, anxiety starts to creep in when I’ve pushed myself beyond what is too much for me. As much as I think honoring what I said I would do is the sign of a healthy, responsible and successful adult if you can’t do what you said you would do, are you successful? And therein lies the rub.
If I say no, am I doing the best I can? I am learning. This lesson is at the back of my heels and the tip of my nose. For a month I fought a virus of superhero strength, and I finally had to give in and take antibiotics. I felt weak and vulnerable. I am a healer and a psychic-intuitive. How could I not heal myself?
I am not free if I can’t use healthy boundaries. I am not independent if others’ needs always come before my own. I am free if I can slow down sometimes. I am free if I can look out for myself. I am free if I can surrender.