by John Ashbrook
There is one final constant in everyone’s scope of reality- the fear of being hurt or of hurting another. This leads one to adopt the heartbreaking pseudo-solution of control. This forced control, born of mistrust, is the mortal enemy of a fulfilling relationship.
Every person needs and longs for love. When someone is separated from the center of their being, their approach to getting love is a reversal of control. If, in this respect, a proper balance of control is maintained, one gives of themselves easily and without fear. At the same time, they respect the freedom of their loved ones. They do not have to force, to possess, to own, or to control, and therefore, they cannot be owned or controlled either. This results in free love – no one has to fear loving or being loved. In this place, one cannot help but realize that there is no greater freedom than love. Love must come to those who let it freely and easily. It does not have to be pushed or fought for. When this is realized, one gives up the need to control because they know that they will receive what is theirs – real love. It is theirs because they no longer block or resist it. Love is a free-flowing continuum that cannot be stopped or taken away unless someone takes it from themselves. Love goes on and on and on unless one stops it. It is love that is totally safe. Control is fraught with dangers and conflict. To give of one’s self, to love and contribute does not mean a loss of control. Instead, it is totally self-determining and represents a relaxed control, absent of fear or tightness.
Love in distortion, in false control, looks like this: a person sees themselves in an either/or situation.
They can only see and embrace the incorrect version of love or the equally incorrect version of allowing the loved one to be free. To love in distortion is self-denial, submission, and self-destruction – all for the sake of the loved one. The distortion of being loved is to control and totally possess the loved one. Someone longs for love yet at the same time they fear it and resist it because they doubt their ability to control another to the degree that may be necessary to protect themselves. Their mindset says this: “If I love someone, they can control me, but if someone loves me, I can’t control them.” This emotional state of mind leads to withdrawal, noncommitment, insensitivity, and a refusal to love. When someone is caught up in these distortions, they cannot grasp the truth- love and freedom are one! They associate love with a lack of freedom. They may know better intellectually, but emotionally, they cannot easily experience the mutual freedom of real love.
The Solution
You must allow your outer mind to be filled with your inner being. Your divine nucleus has the power to solve all your problems, but it cannot respond unless it is contacted by your outer mind. You can activate this divine center by speaking deeply into yourself-expressing your desire to give of yourself completely without the fear of being controlled. Express your desire to feel the oneness of love and freedom. You want it for yourself and your loved one. Ask for guidance in bringing yourself to a level of integrity and self-acceptance that will free you from the need to control. Call upon your inner being, this divine nucleus. It knows and understands real love, the natural process by which you can give love and freedom and receive the same without fear or the need to control. You will realize that the more you love the more real freedom you will enjoy. You cannot have one without the other!
John Ashbrook is a professional numerologist and intuitive spiritual counselor. He teaches a comprehensive Spiritual Development Program that combines ongoing classes with individual Guidance sessions to maximize personal growth. For information about private consultations, please call him at 734-326-3433.
