By February, many people are not just tired of winter. They are also ashamed of “not taking advantage of the new year”.
The energy of our “new year’s resolutions” has faded, the promises we made to ourselves feel distant, and the quiet realization sets in that whatever we hoped January would fix did not magically resolve itself. New habits have been abandoned. Routines slipped. Motivation stalled.
For many, this brings a familiar inner narrative. I failed. I lack discipline. I am bad at change. That shame can feel suffocating. And for people in recovery or healing from trauma, it can be especially destabilizing.
This is not a personal flaw. It is a predictable response to how we have been taught to approach growth.
Resolution Culture and the Shame Cycle
New Year’s resolutions are framed as fresh starts, but they often rely on all-or-nothing thinking. Be perfect. Be consistent. Transform everything at once.
Statistics tell a different story. Roughly 65 percent of people abandon their resolutions by the end of January. That does not mean most people lack willpower. It means the structure itself is unrealistic.
By February, the cultural message quietly shifts. The motivational slogans disappear, but the expectation that we should already be “doing better” remains. When we fall short of that invisible standard, shame rushes in to fill the gap.
Shame is not a helpful motivator. It is a nervous system state. It constricts choice, reduces self-trust, and increases the urge to numb or disconnect.
For those in recovery, this pattern can echo earlier experiences where shame was used, implicitly or explicitly, as a tool for control or compliance. The body remembers that feeling. February can reactivate it.
Why This Time of Year Is Especially Hard in Recovery
Recovery requires presence. It asks us to feel what we once avoided, to stay connected when things are uncomfortable, and to rebuild trust with ourselves slowly.
Winter works against that in subtle ways. There is less light. Less movement. Less access to the things that regulate our nervous systems. We are indoors more. Isolated more. Thinking more.
When shame enters this environment, it can quickly spiral into self-judgment. I should be further along. Other people are doing better than me. I messed up again.
These thoughts are not evidence of failure. They are signals of a system under strain.
February is often the month when people quietly struggle the most, precisely because the external structure of “new beginnings” has fallen away, leaving them alone with unmet expectations.
Early Spring Is Not About Starting Over
In many earth-honoring traditions, early February marks the symbolic beginning of spring. Not because the world is suddenly warm or bright, but because something subtle begins to shift beneath the surface.
Life does not emerge fully formed. It stirs quietly. Slowly. Invisibly.
This matters for healing.
Early spring is not a demand to try harder. It is an invitation to repair our relationship with ourselves. To tend to what is already alive, even if it is fragile.
For people in recovery, this reframing can be powerful. Growth does not have to look dramatic to be real. Stability does not require constant forward motion. Sometimes it looks like staying present through discomfort without turning against yourself.
Practices That Help Release Shame, Not Reinforce It
What follows are not resolutions. They are ways to soften shame and support regulation during a season that asks for gentleness.
Imagining the future without pressure.
Planning a garden, a trip, or even a creative project without committing to timelines allows hope to exist without performance. The nervous system learns that the future can be approached with curiosity instead of demand.
Spending time with living things.
Greenhouses, conservatories, and even a few houseplants can remind the body that growth continues even in winter. Sensory warmth and color help regulate stress responses more than we often realize.
Nourishing the body intentionally.
Food prepared with care reinforces a sense of worthiness. Nourishment is not about earning or compensating. It is about tending a body that is already doing hard work.
Creating without outcome.
Art without goals interrupts perfectionism. Drawing, coloring, or crafting purely for movement and expression offers the nervous system a break from evaluation.
Clearing space with kindness.
Gentle cleaning or reorganizing can feel like releasing weight rather than punishing yourself. The intention matters. This is about making room to breathe, not proving productivity.
Staying connected.
Shame thrives in isolation. Connection does not have to be intense or constant. It can be as simple as being honest with one safe person, or showing up to a supportive space without needing to explain yourself.
You Did Not Fail January
If February feels heavy, it does not mean you did something wrong.
It means you are human, living in a body that responds to seasons, stress, and expectation. It means you are navigating healing in a culture that often mistakes self-judgment for growth.
For those in recovery, especially, this time of year calls for compassion, not correction. You did not fail January. You are not bad at change. Shame is not proof of inadequacy.
Early spring does not ask you to start over. It asks you to stay. To tend what is alive. To trust that something is already shifting, even if you cannot see it yet.
Growth is not loud. Healing is not linear. And February is not a verdict on your worth.
It is simply a season asking to be met with care.
Jen Romanowski, a.k.a. Sunshine Witchski, The Pink-haired Sober Witch, has been practicing witchcraft and spiritual healing for over 25 years. She is a spiritual advisor, recovery mentor, and founder of The Sober Witch Life movement. Visit soberwitch.life or text 313-595-4148 for guidance in your recovery. Or check out Amazon for her newly published book: Sober Witch Life: A Magickal Guide to Recovery.
