By Dave Tuscany
Trigger Warning: this isn’t a Fluffy Loving Father’s Day Message. It’s a CALLING FORTH. I’m publicly advocating a Calling Forth of Men to Be AND Do More. More?
Yes. An Evolving NEW Mature Masculine.
Men, Breathe. Stop. Really Breathe Deeply now and hold it. What I say might hurt. I’m calling us ALL … FORTH. Yes, including myself. I’d love to share how I’m personally calling myself forth.
Many of you who are reading this may say, “Heh, This is already who I am- I’m already digging deep to become more.” If this is indeed you, Thank you for already being a part of this new discussion. Bravo. I honor you. I ask you to help share and encourage this new way in your Communities and families. Please help share this message of Calling Forth to other Men. Model being Called Forth to those you love. Let them see you answer the call. I believe this would radically change your relationships. This might shake things up – in a good way.
SOME may disagree. Great. Lets chat. Let’s try to find a common language that simply encourages a new way of being a man that empowers each person in the relationship. Schedule a 20-minute session. No Charge.
Perhaps my vulnerability and sharing some of my story on this subject may help. I’ve been doing conscious, inner-shadow healing for two decades. I’m a retired certified co-leader of the Mankind Project, and I coach men in new ways of Being a man. I lead Fire-Walk Empowerment programs, and I coach. Ok, I’m a visible public leader and part of the Solution, I believe. For those who know me personally, most would say I do my work. And even still, shadows can still pop up from time to time for me. You?
SO…. Despite being a powerful leader & healer, I was “handed my ass” by my wife, the woman I adore. I got laid out. Hard. Clean. Loving. Boundaries. Powerful. She was mostly right on. Ok, probably all.
She’s a Spiritual badass, one who has been a teacher and a healer for decades. And, for the first time in our relationship (and I wondered if it was the First time in her life), she hit the “un-edit button” and leveled hard, passionate, truthful needs and feelings. Powerfully. With appropriate full anger, I believe all women have been yearning for this: A vulnerable owning of anger and calling for more – wailing at the Moon for more.
It was a passionate call to me- “Dave, I need more from you as a man, and I want more.” Clear. Boundaries. Loving. Angry. Yearning. Calling me forth, yet again, as she has done in the past. Maybe tapping into and channeling generational pain, world pain of the feminine. I choose to believe so. It was a magical moment for me. One I’ll never forget.
What, you may ask, does this have to do with a new way of being a man? The only reason she was able to access and powerfully share such a deep level of pain was because I finally became a man who she could TRUST to do so with. Be that man. I am that man.
How did I get here? And, more importantly, what might you take away from this article to continue evolving in what the Mature Masculine means to you? Here are six things that come to mind:
- I Learned to hear my partner’s needs and feelings as requests and not take it personally. This has allowed me to breathe deeply as I hear the hard stuff, be compassionate, really hear her, own my part, stay grounded, stay in my mid-line, and say “I’m sorry. I will do better”. Women have been yearning for this for centuries for this Men.
- Even as I’ve grown and shared my gifts as a Leader and Mentor, I now ask for help and rely on my brothers and my Community. Asking and receiving love and support from others helps to replenish my love/energy tank. Giving and Receiving only work when both are in flow.
- In the past, outdated ways of being a man seemed to involve either power-over or power-under models, neither entirely creating synergy and deep connection. A new power-WITH model of Masculinity is the only framework for intimate relationships (and all relationships in my world).
- I’m accountable. I do what I say I will do. If I fall short, I admit it, commit to improving, and change my behavior. This helps create and elevate reputation.
- Integrity. My beliefs, my choices, and my actions all start from an inner feeling in my body. I make choices first from this inner knowing and feeling of what feels relaxing in my body. I ask for my needs clearly and lovingly. This replaces old ways of people pleasing and being unskillful in asking for, or bulldozing and fighting for, my needs.
- Find and join a Men’s Community to do this deep inner work. Be Supported. One such offering is a Monthly Offering called Oracle. It’s held once a month and is a chance to be facilitated in shifting some struggles and be guided through a process to self-facilitate triggers. See my contact info below for more different ways to connect with other men who are similarly called forth.
Men, if your partner hasn’t called you forth in some manner, I intend to do so here today. And by the way …. MEN, don’t get hung up on the delivery of her message—they come in many ways. Some may hurt.
This is inclusive with all forms of relationships and orientations, I believe. If you do not have a romantic partner, you are still in a relationship, right? – first to yourself, then to all who you love and love you. I call you forth as well. I call you to Lean in as well.
It starts with a Decision to simply BE more and DO more. We are human beings and often caught up in human doing. I love to practice the “Dance of the Do-Be-Do” as one of my Spiritual teachers, Michael Beckwith, says, “Find your balance, your edge …. That balance of Being and Doing”.
In closing, I challenge you, Men, as I challenge myself. Here publicly.
I call you forth. Lean in. Step up. Balance your Being and Doing.
Help change the narrative of old ways of being a man.
If you accept, bless you. I honor you.
You are helping create the paradigm of the New Mature Masculine.
The world has been waiting for you. You showed up right in time.
If you are a woman reading this and feel your relationship might benefit, I invite you to use your voice to insist your partner reach out to me for a discovery call.
Dave Tuscany is a life coach and fire walk facilitator who helps others create embodied change. He is available for individual sessions or monthly Oracle Gatherings at Mother Bear Sanctuary in Pinckney. He can also refer to other Men’s opportunities like the Mankind Project. www.mkp.org Reach out for a chat.
Dave Tuscany Thru The Fire, LLC. 586-907-6125
