By John Ashbrook
Generally speaking, all religions, all philosophies, and all psychology pretty much agree that love is the key to fulfillment, security, and constant creative growth. However, love is not something that can be commanded through forced intellectual obedience. It cannot be artificial or superimposed. Love must come spontaneously through a movement of the inner soul.
When love exists, there must be fulfillment, so when there is a lack of fulfillment in any area of one’s life, it is a sure indication that one has not yet learned to love. Keep this equation in mind: although it is understood in a general sense, it is overlooked too often on a conscious level.
Love is a purifying force, so it is the key to physical health. To the degree that love is lacking in all sorts of negative emotions will eventually cause ill health. Love is the key to successful human relationships. For when there is love, there can be no fear, distrust, or illusion.
Love blooms on the foundation of truth and fearlessness. When two people live in truth, no one trusts or distrusts in the wrong place. Both parties accept each other as he or she is. They learn to adjust their feeling to the reality of each other. Then, there is no necessity of grope in the dark, only half-trusting, torn between fear and need.
Self-confidence cannot exist without love because the soul lives in confusion. Therefore, if confusion exists in one’s life, love must be lacking. When there is love, there cannot be conflict. It is eliminated! One finds the spontaneous balance between healthy aggressiveness and hostility; one is not confused between the extremes of submissiveness and dominant willfulness. Instead, you learn to assert your rights without hostility. Therefore, you will not fall prey to unjustified demands that can only be destructive for all concerned. On the other hand neither will you be driven to an attitude of stubborn rebelliousness because you fear that conceding appears to be a submissive, humiliating surrender. These fine balances can only be achieved by a spontaneous movement of the inner soul – in the connected, loving soul, this is automatic! In the disconnected person, who tries to command love through arduous intellectual obedience, this is not possible.
Please understand that when I speak here of love, I am speaking of learning to love yourself. This comes first because when it is achieved, love and connection with all is automatic! You simply cannot accept and love others unless you have connected to your soul – the source of love. So, we now see that love is the universal key. And yet it is a key that is very difficult for humankind to effectively use. Two basic misunderstandings prohibit the use of this key.
The first is a distortion of reality or illusion. When illusion exists, and it does to one degree or another in all of us, a host of negative emotions must also exist, such as fear, anger, guilt, self-pity, separateness, and vindictiveness. Obviously, love cannot thrive among these emotions; only the fear of love exists. When one accepts the truth of their own reality, they face it, and gradually, negative illusions disappear. Facing and accepting the reality of who you are in any given moment releases you from confusion, and love and growth are generated.
The second misunderstanding that prevents love is low self-esteem. Offhand, it seems without impairment of one’s ability to love others. Of course, this is not true because when you do not perceive yourself in reality, neither can you perceive the reality of another. When you feel helpless or inadequate, others seem like giants who you must defend against. You may reject, or resent, or even despise them. You do not sense their vulnerability, their humanity.
You are forced into a hostile role even though this may be camouflaged by an outer submissiveness. You may appear loving. You sell out your real feelings because of your low self-esteem. You devalue the importance of your actions and reactions. You do not see how your actions affect others. You become timid and reticent. This overly cautious attitude toward love creates withdrawal and isolation. You are only half willing to love. This attitude denies rather than affirms love; it creates conditions for loving. Of course, these can never quite be met. Positive self-esteem is a function of the spontaneous expression of one’s inner beauty without fear or shame. A state of inner connectedness must exist in order to accomplish this.
