Love and Sexuality are One?


Life force energy is seeking to be felt in your bones and breath. We are trapped in shameful narrow perceptions of our bodies, sexuality and love, that choke life’s blissful expression. Disconnected from the sensual and embodied, we have trouble even feeling what foods are good for us, giving ourselves proper rest or even knowing when we are authentically hungry. Unable to feel our bodies cries, we grow numb to life’s simple pleasures.

God-Spirit pulsing in your body feels like sexual energy. Sexual energy is: life force, conscious embodied experience and creative flow. In this holistic model sexuality is also sensuality, body connection and expression of cosmic passion. An ecological (all encompassing) or holistic model of sex is needed on our planet. Sexuality is made profane from common cultural limiting perceptions of our bodies, sexuality, and relationship roles. Then without a framework of what healthy holistic sexuality really is, we are also given messages that sex is bad, sinful or evil. The thing is, sexual encounters without love as you’d more than likely see when viewing a website similar to Full Tube, for instance, could actually be sensual and an expression of themselves still. There is definitely no “one size fits all” when it comes to sexuality.

Love is the essence of who you are; not a person, thing or feeling. Holistic sexuality is expression of your Soul. Every song on the radio seems to carry co-dependent messages of “I need you to be happy.” Seeking first the kingdom of heaven, means to know yourself as Love and express this energy in all you are and do. Your kingdom is within and has already been given to you. Like two musicians with well tuned instruments, two people who have uncovered their inner light, co-create a symphony that becomes a living demonstration for the glory of God.

Holistic sexuality is love. Uncovering your holistic sexuality requires reconnection with your body, healthy boundaries, conscious communication, healing traumas, and clearing limiting beliefs.

It is a challenging journey but the rewards are immense.

Sex without love is simply two bodies creating friction to relieve stress. You can see it on and websites of a similar nature, where the actors in the videos aren’t in love but have passionate sex all the same. I have had many clients realize after they began to love themselves that they have never truly “made love.” Intimacy, heart connection, and sweet energetic communion must first start with yourself. However, shared in partnership, something far greater is realized, beyond what can be done alone.

Living in relationship with non-holistic sex, you may have immediate gratification, but in the long run end up starving. Living in relationship with love without sexual energy, you will be “fed” but feel like you are eating plain oatmeal every day.

Limiting beliefs about sex passed on through genetics, parenting models, or societal assumptions create gynecological problems, cheating, pedophiles, depression, sex slavery, divorce and our ecological crisis. Our body expresses our dis-ease and limiting beliefs through illness. Erectile dysfunction, endometriosis, uterine fibroids, prostate cancer, hormonal imbalances and ovarian cysts are on a continual increase. Whatever we suppress, keep secret, and shame, has the power to annihilate us. Bringing our limiting beliefs and feelings to the surface gives us conscious choice to grow, learn, and become the magnificence that Creation made us to be. Your creative life force or sexual energy if suppressed will turn into unconscious patterns of addictions or illness.

Believing love to be separate from sex, partners lose their attraction to their mate. How terrifying to be deeply in love, yet not find your partner attractive! This is very common. This is one of the main reasons men cheat. “How can she be a sexy seductive kitten and the mother of my children; after all wasn’t mother Mary a virgin?” Societal models of a “good woman” caught in the dualistic paradigm of sex and love; the good mother becomes void of any sexual fire.

I am not surprised at the high divorce rate. We don’t have tools of communication. Unable to communicate our needs and boundaries, we begin to resent and blame the one we love. Unaware of the true power of vulnerability (communication of feelings/needs) women begin to mother their husbands. Not able to compassionately assert, yet fearful of becoming like her submissive mother, she emasculates her mate all the while yearning for the deeper masculine claim on her heart. Sound familiar?

Men have become afraid of their own masculinity, feeling safe to express only in bars and ball games, frequently becoming womanizers. Women with unhealed daddy wounds feel unsafe and will shame a mans’ vulnerability, resorting to co-dependently trying to heal his discomfort. Unaware of the power of an embodied masculine presence, men hide behind plastic shields of macho-isms, all the while painfully shaming their own feelings. Unaware of the true power of the sacred feminine, and trying to fix a woman’s emotions, men lose the bridge into their sacred masculine.

Your sexual energy is the vital force and creative garden in which your Spirit can deepen its roots into a grounded connection with Life and God. Women resorting to being the man of the house or men feeling nagged and caged in relationship doesn’t need to be the norm. Your libido is not dead or bad. There is a way to be in relationship and feel free. Deeper commitment to your own heart, body, and sexuality enlivens you to a joyful intimacy with people and sweeter merge with God.

Uncovering the holiness of my bodies wisdom has been a life-long learning for me. Healing from many layers of Catholic guilt and sexual shame, I feel freedom beyond words. I am grateful in sessions or retreats to help others uncover the wild galloping horse inside. I am excited to present in the October retreat: Expressing Your Life’s Passion and Sexuality Through the Four Directions.” Remember, you are the way in which the stars look back at themselves. You are a single manifestation of a cosmic destiny that waits for your inward permission to express!

***There are variations to the patterns outlined above: a man may be in the mother role, or the woman may be the one who sees love separate from sex. Also, same sex partnerships contain the tragic split between love and sex and suffer tremendously from this disconnect. Every person is unique, but for the sake of communication I have been writing in gender generalities. (Also for some people gender identification is not based on the physical body.) Shame around the body and sexuality shows up in all sexual orientations (LBGT) and it could be better said that these limiting perceptions are human based.


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