by Barbra WhiteCrow
We have all heard of “the Karen”—a white woman who often exhibits entitlement and a self-centered attitude. But have you heard of a “Bethany”? Comedian Josh Johnson coined this term to describe women who, even after being knocked down physically, will apologize for taking up space. He humorously notes that a “Bethany” would say, “I am fine,” even with her hair on fire. The Dalai Lama said at a 2014 conference that North American women will save the world, but how can this happen if we’re still afraid to advocate for ourselves?
Worrying about how others perceive you and determining your worth by how happy you make others can keep you trapped in a self-imposed prison. It’s crucial to alchemize these people-pleasing patterns so you can feel safe in the world, trust life, and boldly pursue your dreams.
Trusting others begins with trusting yourself. Always.
This involves treating your heart gently, like a tender kitten, so that you can show up in the world with the strength of a tiger. Soft power (yin energy) nourishes healthy hard power (yang energy) within. This means practicing listening to your body’s needs, honoring your feelings, and advocating for yourself. Your anger is the part of yourself that loves you the most. It means you do not feel heard or seen. This does not mean getting something outside of yourself. Learning to SEE yourself and HEAR yourself empowers you to speak clear boundaries, be a voice for the voiceless, and be a real change-maker in the world.
As a body-based therapist and spiritual teacher with 30 years of experience, I understand that many people struggle with patterns of people-pleasing, apologizing for their existence, and seeking validation from outside sources. By looking at these aspects of ourselves with kindness, we can transform them into creativity, confidence, and unshakable joy. It’s time to take action. You can reach out for one-on-one sessions, online intuitive training, and upcoming retreats, attend Goddess Warrior Training, or join the Monday night meditation. More information can be found on the Mother Bear Sanctuary Facebook page or at barbrawhite.com. Or text me right now to set up a discovery call at 734-796-6690. (Please provide your name and the best window of time to schedule)
Learning to speak up for yourself, pursue what brings you joy, and listen to your heart’s calling requires inner work. Everyone has unique gifts, and EVERYONE has a purpose. Stop waiting for external conditions to give you permission to be happy, take up space, and be a positive presence for others.
The Goddess Warrior Training, a two-day retreat, starts on May 3 at A2 Yoga and will be at Center Peace in June! This retreat focuses on reclaiming your voice, learning effective self-defense, accessing your sacred rage, and stepping into greater authenticity.
Before embarking on my healing journey, I was a martial arts fighter and ran a kickboxing studio that put me through my undergraduate studies. Creating the Goddess Warrior Training program feels full circle for me; it is a potent combination of Sacred Rage Retreats, self-defense, women’s empowerment, trauma healing, meditation, chi cong, presence practice, and my spiritual teachings.
Many times in life, when you are fully present, calm, and direct, a person listens more attentively, allowing something new to emerge. Trusting our own calm-assertive energy and reclaiming our innate magnificence does and WILL create change in our health, happiness, and relationships.
However, there are times when a ROAR is necessary.
I roared when I saw a woman being punched by her biker boyfriend in front of a country store. I roared when a sister was being screamed at and demeaned by her abusive ex-husband. If I had to, I would do it again. And, a funny example…. when that stubborn hose wouldn’t unroll for the fifth time, I took a sledgehammer to it.
It worked!
Learning to access the fire within while also trusting a gentle, feather-like approach is the essence of true freedom and mastery over oneself. Today, it’s more important than ever that we ALL embrace our primal roar while also embodying a soft-self-protective-presence. It is my joy and honor to support you in healing, teach you to be a student of your own divinity, and reclaim your purpose. Hope to hear from you soon.
