By Susan deCaussin
For many, February brings about thoughts of Valentine’s Day. For me, it has a special meaning. February 14 is the 44th wedding anniversary for my husband and I. As I look back over the years, it’s become apparent which elements are beneficial to achieve a deep and lasting relationship.
I’m not just referring to a spouse or life partner when I speak of relationships. We all have opportunities to build and enjoy meaningful connections with people throughout every aspect of our lives. Here are some of the things that I’ve discovered over the years.
Elements of a successful relationship
- Feel secure. In order to feel secure with another person, you must first feel secure within yourself. You must feel whole without needing someone else in your life to complete the picture. Nothing irks me more than that line from the movie Jerry Maguire when he says, “You complete me.” Your happiness and peace of mind should never be predicated on having someone else there who makes you feel whole.
- Know your worth! Don’t look for or depend upon outside approval to feel comfortable in your decisions. When you constantly need the approval of others in order to feel good about who you are and what you do, you’re leaving yourself open to being controlled and losing your individuality and self-worth.
- Love yourself fully and completely. You are a unique expression of the Divine. If you cannot love every aspect of who you are, it’s not possible to fully love another without judging or resenting their unique qualities in the same way that you judge and criticize your own.
- Place no conditions on your love. No exceptions. It’s essential to provide unconditional love and release the need to redirect the other person’s ideas and decisions in an attempt to shift their life direction. That means unconditional support without a need to control.
- Provide encouragement without control. Be a crutch and not a wheelchair – supporting the other person through life, but not carrying them. It’s okay to be a cheerleader for those we care about. It benefits no one when we remove their struggles and take away their opportunity to conquer life’s challenges. In those moments, we can experience the feelings of success and achievement that come from moving through the difficulties.
For a truly successful relationship, these things will go both ways.
- Your partner shouldn’t feel incomplete and “less than” when you’re not together.
- They shouldn’t need your approval to feel secure.
- They should love themselves completely and reflect that comfort and confidence to those around them.
- That person should never place conditions on you that will determine their presence and support in your life.
- And they should not expect you to be their safety net – rescuing them whenever they encounter difficulties.
When you work on yourself and become more secure in who you are and what you’re capable of, and aren’t looking for someone to complete or rescue you, that energy will ultimately attract someone with the same qualities. If, however, you see that the relationships you’re attracting hold negative qualities, it may be time to look inward. Remember that “like energy attracts like energy.”
When you become more confident, love yourself unconditionally, and reflect that outward to those around you, you’ll draw in people who match your energy. Then, those who do not align with this new you will retreat and back out of your life. I’ve seen it happen time and time again.
Sometimes, moving into a place of total acceptance and unconditional love of self can be difficult. Past traumas can leave us programmed to feel unworthy. Hypnotherapy and Spiritual Guidance can help you to easily and quickly release the old formatting and move into a new way of being. Reach out for a free consultation if you’re interested in learning more.
Namaste, Susan
