The Inner Bully


“I woke up one day and thought, ‘Enough is enough with bullying myself’. The war is within you, and that’s also where it’s won. You just have to tackle your insecurities and then let them go.” Keala Settle

We seldom think our life is good enough. We question ourselves; am I satisfied with the status quo? Can I do more to get better results? Do I believe that I will never get to the point that I can say, whatever the situation, it’s good enough?

In our society, we always want more, beating ourselves up to acquire more. Are we not satisfied with who we are, accepting all the good that we currently hold now?

There is nothing wrong with accepting average or typical. But why would you stop on average? Each of us has the capacity for a great life, like something as vast and as constant as the earth holding us up and turning us ever so slowly toward the light. Our task as God’s creation is only to be rooted and accept the daily gifts that life avails us. And always, reach to be a better person. No matter where you are on life’s journey, know you are good enough as you are.

That’s easier to say than to not having the desire to do and be more. Life is a process, a journey of discovery. And, on that path of development, you evolve to a different level of enough.

Kimberly, as a child, dreamed of becoming a part of the elite class; the group with style, connections, money, power, and prestige. While in college, she did very well in her classes. She knew lots of students and faculty. She was always invited to the “it” parties, for the up-and-coming students. Faculty would ask her to be part of think tanks for the university. Kimberly was well on her way to the elite class. Being included met the world to her.

She grew up in a single-parent household with her mother and brother. Her mom was a business owner — therefore, independence was the rule. They never owned their home, so they moved often. This made Kimberly feel she did not measure up to the kids in the community. She was withdrawn, feeling ashamed because everyone she knew had both parents in the home. And, they never stayed in one place long enough for her to build lasting relationships.

In college, a friend was getting married — it was a big deal. The wedding was the talk on campus, and all her friends were invited. Kimberly did not get an invitation. She asked about it and was told the invite was mailed. Everyone had gotten their invitation, so why not her? She felt that they really did not invite her. Kimberly began to withdraw from the elite group, feeling that she was not good enough, did not measure up. This belief of not being enough followed her in her work life and choosing a partner.

She was miserable, believing that she was not good enough and regretting that she did not take advantage of the dozens of opportunities that would have placed her in the elite class of her dreams. Based on fear and feelings of not being accepted, she did not develop close and lasting relationships and did not step up for the well-deserved promotions. She knew in her heart that she had what it takes to shine, however, the inner bully kept her away from realizing her dreams.

Regrets are as personal as fingerprints. Regrets are regretting what you did or what you didn’t do. Learn from the experience; take the opportunity as a lesson you have learned and move on. Although Kimberly did very well in life by anyone’s standards, she continued to have regrets that she could have done better.

In this story, Kimberly never released the inner bully. It was much later in life that she recognized she had the power to terminate the bully within, without regrets. Accepting the golden nuggets along life’s journey is the gift of fulfillment.


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