FUN is a core need in my life. I evaluate what to do and with whom based, as often as possible, on what would be fun.
Calling something fun is the same as saying it brings joy. We can choose to spend more time doing things we find en-joy-able and hang out with people who are fun to be around.
Some people are a joy to be with. You look forward to spending time with them; they contribute to your happiness just by being themselves. They are interested in you and show it. After being with them you feel better—. invigorated, motivated, happy, and cared about. Your day goes better because of having time together. .
Of course there are folks who aren’t fun to spend time with. You feel worse after connecting with them. These people may be close relatives or friends, yet you are reluctant to pick up the phone if you see their name on Caller ID. You may wish them all the best, yet find it easier to love them from a distance.
There are reasons to feel the way you do. You may sense you are devalued by such a person—as though your feelings and life are unimportant. Maybe you feel as though you are never good enough.
This kind of individual seeks you out for what you will give—time, labor, sympathy, or money. If you are in a close relationship with someone who is no fun, who uses you and doesn’t support you, it would be useful to take a close look at the relationship. Try to determine why you maintain close ties with someone who drags you down.
There is always a way out; you are never truly trapped unless you allow it. You can find ways to reduce or eliminate the time you spend with a difficult person.
You can become less available. If you feel put upon, repeatedly expected to do things you resent, you can learn to speak up. Sometimes just saying “That doesn’t work for me because, for example, I am too busy to help paint your kitchen,” can work. You can offer an alternative such as meeting for coffee next week. This type of response indicates that you are no longer willing to do things that seem unfair or that you hate to do.
If you get trapped in long one-way phone conversations with this kind of person, you can interrupt their lengthy dialogue and say you have to go. Say it and mean it.
I truly believe in helping others, but there are situations where the other person is obviously taking advantage and only the one who feels they are in a lopsided relationship can put an end to it.
No matter how stuck you feel in a relationship, there is a way to get unstuck. By asking yourself whether this relationship has the element of fun in it on a regular basis, you can sort out what folks you might want to spend the majority of your time with.
Joy is synonymous with Love, which is the force that can remedy every problem. Simply put, I am so drawn to have as much Joy as possible because it just feels so darn good! How about you?
Shala Kilmer
