The Warrior in You. A Reflection on Courageous Grieving


by Selene Negrette

If you have suffered the loss of a loved one, you know that the person that was you before your loss is not the same as the person you are right now. You might shake your head from time to time as the realization hits you that you have been changed so very much by what happened. And change is hard to take… it is not welcomed, it does not feel comfortable and it forces you to work hard at a time when you are feeling depleted. Grief is an emotion that robs you of your energy which is the reason why it’s so important to understand that even though that is the case, you still have choices.

You can resist this inevitable change (which is life without your loved one) or you can surrender to it. The choice is hard to make but it’s not impossible. Surrender does not mean that you will forget your loved one or that it is not okay to grieve. It means that you are allowing the current of life to carry you in the direction that it is wisely taking you and that you are trusting in what happens next.

What can help you surrender is to tap into some of the strengths you have gained as a result of your loss. You may have lost your spouse unexpectedly and were used to leaning on his or her financial skills and now, have had to learn how to do this on your own. Or, you may have lost a child and had to fight like a mother bear for what was best for your child while he was ill (like I did) and so you gained resiliency and self-confidence. Why is it helpful to draw from your strengths in order to surrender? Because surrender is not a passive thing; it is active and it requires resolve, self-awareness and courage; all of which are inner strengths.

It takes courage to continue to live after someone you love dearly is no longer here in the physical plane. So, pat yourself on the back and recognize your courageous soul for continuing to try to put your best foot forward, no matter how hard it might be some days, as you grieve and live.

When you choose to distract yourself with a myriad of activities or to not feel your feelings, you are resisting the reality of your loss. During the first couple of years after your loss, it is part of the normal grieving process to experience shock, disbelief, numbness, and to choose to distract, resist and/or not feel your feelings.

However, in order to function in a healthy way as the months and years go by, it is necessary for you to connect with the Warrior in You who is trying to help you. This is what I call, “Courageous Grieving”. I am talking about that warrior that has allowed you to survive such a sad event, who has gotten stronger as a result of your experience of loss and who keeps you taking care of yourself and your loved ones. I am telling you that you are a warrior, even if you are feeling at your weakest. Are you ready to ask your inner warrior to come out of the shadows and help you at this time? If you are, this is what you can do:

Begin each day, by saying to yourself:

• I am grieving but this does not make me weak.

• It is normal to feel sad and to cry.

• I am a warrior in life and my strengths help me make it through this day.

• Each step forward I take is an indication of my strength.

• My loved one is watching me and is celebrating my efforts to move forward.

• I feel the love of my loved one and my heart benefits from its healing force.

Selene Negrette is a Life coach and Certified Angel Intuitive. Learn more about her and her work at:; private message her on FB @spiritwhispersselene or call her at 859.797.3919


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