There is No “Out There,” Out There


By Regina Milano

It was exactly seven years ago, in June 2011, when I got a good look inside myself. It was illuminating…and frightening.

A few months earlier I had taken my first Self I-Dentity through Ho’oponopono (SITH) class. The class marked an end to my search to ease my physical and emotional pain. In these months, I experienced almost continual elation. Finally, I had found a way to feel peaceful and happy all the time.

On this day, I was buying last minute items for my trip to Alaska, and it was surprising to feel so dramatically “off.” In fact, I was consumed by a rage that had no apparent cause. I sat in my car and watched the vitriol take over—my hands were shaking, my skin was blotchy, and profanities were pinging—but I couldn’t believe that I was the experiencer. What could I be reacting to?

Nothing was wrong. I was happy; I was going on a beautiful trip to a beautiful place. After I did some “HA” breathing and calmed down, I walked through the store and found myself at the shoe department. I was looking at sneakers for my daughter when I felt a pat on my back, and a gentle voice asked, “Can you help me?”

The following succession of perceptions appeared as if they were happening all at once. The woman standing before me was covered from head to toe with boils and blisters. She was heavy, and several areas on her arms and lower legs appeared to be cracking and leaching blood. It was nothing I had ever seen before, and she appeared (to me) to be in agonizing pain.

I controlled the impulse to cry out and to cover my mouth. I saw a light bulb turning on over my head as if I was in a children’s cartoon. I helped the woman out by reading the small print on some shoe box labels, and I surreptitiously looked at the people around us to gauge their reactions to the woman.

No one looked at her. Not a single person seemed to notice her shocking disfigurement. Several kids were in the shoe department—and there was no pointing and no whispering.

That is what my light bulb showed me. There were no kids, no shoppers, no woman, no blisters, no anyone or anything—just me and only me, or rather, only my manifold experiences of an individuated self in a separated world. The gift I received that day was the ability to experience rage and other forms of the ugliness (and beauty) that lived within me. To see them, to feel them, to own them, and then to let them go. That is what “that woman” gave to me that day. The awareness that she, and all of my experiences, are only reflected aspects of my Self.

There truly is no ‘out there’, out there. There is only Self, and all we need to do is clean with our perceptions and our experiences–good, bad, and ugly; fun, happy and light-hearted—all aspects of Self. This is what the Self I-Dentity through Ho’oponopono process does. I have heard from many of Morrnah’s students that when they asked her about problems ‘out there’ she would repeatedly say, “Look at yourself. Look at yourself.” All we have to do is open ourselves to each new day and clean. Peace Begins With Me.

Regina Milano can be reached at OR visit her site at


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