by Dave Tuscany
It seems there has been a lot of discussion through the years about the Mature Masculine. Much has been written and spoken, and it can be a bit murky. I’ll attempt to give comparisons that are mine. Here are many of the most important traits I believe that the “Mature Masculine” embodies:
They Believe in Power With relationships with others.
This refers to allowing others to feel and demonstrate their own intrinsic power, regardless of who is in charge of a situation. When I let go of “rightness,” I don’t just listen to the other but really hear them, with an intention to understand their point of view, even if- in the end, they ultimately agree differently. This isn’t abdicating authority; it’s working collaboratively to make sure that the decision is the best one for all, whenever possible.
Mature Masculine’s are in integrity with themselves and accountable to others.
Integrity is when my thoughts, words, and actions are all in alignment with my own code, my mission. Does it feel right in my bones, in my gut? Integrity is that whisper to do what I feel is right when I’m at a choice point. I can tell you that there have been times that EVERYTHING was on the line, and I was forced to make the decision that felt right, no matter what the cost, no matter what the struggle that might follow.
It’s my “inner compass .”Leaders who embody the Mature Masculine “Make the Tough call that is the right call.”
Once I’m in alignment, then I can make agreements and keep them. This is Accountability.
Mature Masculine do what they agree to, never less. If I fall short, I make it right as soon as possible, without excuses. I judge myself NOT on my intention but on the impact that my actions have on the other.
If my energy is focused on justifying why I did what I did, it minimizes that I impacted the other…. And because I care for them, I care how my actions land on them. That is being accountable. Geez, what could happen in the world if everyone were simply accountable?
Speak with Vulnerability. I DO and SAY the hard thing with compassion and empathy. Often, when one hides what they are feeling and are reluctant to say the hard thing, relationships dry out and wither. Owning how I feel (yep, real feeling words) with “I Statements”; allows the other to feel me; really feel my heart.
Compassion is so important.
I care how you hear me. I care how it lands on you. Empathy: I’m actually putting myself in your shoes, hearing my truth. Speaking from the depth of my heart with compassion and empathy hurts like hell sometimes, yet vulnerability is the glue that can hold relationships together tightly.
Embodiment and Grounding. I’ve been in men’s work for almost 20 years with an amazing organization called the Mankind Project. More about that in a bit. During that time, we have often talked about being grounded. I have learned to be grounded, and I am most often. I can pull my center down, calm down, feel my heart and my groin, not just my head.
Yep, I thought I Was really good at being grounded. That’s until I met my amazing partner Barbra White who would only receive a partner with full embodiment as well. Three years ago, I had no clue what she meant. And now I do. I know now that being grounded is only the access point for something far deeper- Becoming embodied. Feeling my body from the inside out, feeling my body taking space in the world. Allowing myself to take up the space. It’s about being fully here…. Inhabiting my body, feeling the energy between us; knowing I’m a sacred being, knowing I’m divine- NOT for just what I do in the world but for WHO I am.
The Mature Masculine Holds Space for the feminine; Creates and holds the Container for the relationship to allow the feminine to express their essence. The Mature Masculine is both Fierce and soft; I will rip your heart out if you threaten what is dear to me and will hold others in an embracing hug that allows for the healing of ourselves and our ancestors. There is so much more that the Mature Masculine embodies, and there are many books and organizations that attempt to teach this.
The organization I am proud to represent is the Mankind Project. I am a Certified Co-Leader entrusted to help lead transformational weekends called the New Warrior Training Adventure. There are weekends happening all over the USA and world, and Men’s Circles where Men hold each other with fierce love and heartful compassion to help each other be the Best Man they can be.
Yes, I believe I’m an example of the Mature Masculine. Not perfect, but perfectly imperfect.
If you would like more information about the Mankind Project, an individual Life Coaching session that supports shadow integration, or attend one of our Men’s Circles in the Metro Detroit area, feel free to call me. I’m here to serve. Dave Tuscany 586-907-6125