Clearing Clutter as a Path to Better Sex – Part 2


By: Leslie Blackburn

Last month in Part 1, we explored the value of clearing both space and time clutter to create space in your life and body, with practical steps to start the process. This month we expand on how clearing clutter and breaking the “stuff cycle” leads to better sex and new ways to cultivate your sexual energy and transform your life.

Reduce Clutter by Breaking the Stuff Cycle 

First, let’s open deep compassion for ourselves and others in this process: clearing space is not always easy. This doesn’t mean we are lazy or don’t know how to do it. Having gone through this process myself and worked with clients who lived in clutter for years and felt really stuck, let me reassure you: Yes, we can help that energy move. Yes, it is possible to change it.

In addition to the steps for Clearing Clutter we explored in Part 1, we can take steps to minimize creating it, to begin with.

In my journey over decades, I noticed I don’t need as much stuff as I thought I did. Today, I don’t buy as much stuff as I used to buy. I consciously chose to break the STUFF cycle. You can do this, too. Take a moment before a purchase and check in with yourself, asking: “Why am I buying this thing?” Notice where you can break the cycle. When we quit buying stuff, we have less to get rid of. 

Here are some ways that grew to be part of my life that may help you on your path: 

  • Drink water from a stainless steel or reusable glass container instead of buying plastic, single-use bottles. 
  • Bring an insulated stainless steel thermos(1) to hot bar or restaurant carry out instead of using plastic to-go containers. 
  • Use bamboo cutlery for to-go lunch instead of plasticware. 
  • Buy beans, grains, herbs, and spices in bulk.
  • Use reusable shopping bags instead of the plastic disposable ones. 

In my upcoming book, Sacred Sexuality: Listening to Our Bodies, I share my story of breaking the lawn cycle. For years I paid money to turn on lawn sprinklers in the spring, then paid for the water to run them, for a service to spray chemicals on the grass, another service to cut it, and finally, more money out the door for the sprinklers to be turned off again in the fall. Releasing this cycle of destructive consumption, I began to manage my own lawn organically, with no extra water and a non-motorized mower. 

These changes helped the environment while freeing my resources for more creative uses. As my awareness shifted and I continued making changes like this, I also grew in my capacity to keep space available. Becoming more intentional with my resources developed my mindfulness and helped improve my connection to source energy. 

Fundamentally, no matter where you start, clearing clutter and freeing your energy helps raise your vibration, thus raising your sexual vibration. This, in turn, means you will attract the new people and experiences in your life ready to vibrate there with you.

What other ways can we honor breaking out of the stuff cycle?

Feeling better and creating more space in your life leads to better sex!

What a win-win-win all the way around! As we break these cycles and create more space in our lives, living feels more easeful. The space we create in our homes and schedules gives us the room we need to move, breath, make sound, and delight in our connection with the world around us. We can notice and have playful curiosity to tap into our power, creativity, and sexual energy and give them space to be. We can step into a more vibrant kind of aliveness. 

And it works on all levels. I’ve had many clients come to me and say: “I have a hard time meditating; my mind is so filled with stuff.” Clearing the mind is part of clearing clutter that drains our energy. We can feel a refreshing breeze begin to blow as we start to remove all these stagnating energies in our lives.

Invite your sexual energy to be cultivated in new ways

Now, as you create space while you clear, what is it like to really invite in what you choose?! To go, “Wow! Ahhh! I have space, and I have choice!” Notice what it feels like to breathe, feel your body, and connect deeply with your body and the earth. As you replace distractions and clutter, you can choose to intentionally work with breath, sound, movement, and touch. You can move energy and support your sexual energy to move through your body. If your sexual energy seems really bound up in the genitals, outcome-oriented and pointy, you can choose to add to your orgasmic repertoire and find new ways of being with your energy. You can love where you are and still be curious about what you might become. 

It is so amazing to notice there are other ways. Suppose we just go into that pointy place of releasing stress or releasing sexual energy through a quick, genital-led outcome. In that case, we could miss out on entirely new doorways of possibility. Opening one door, we see a whole other hallway with ten other doors, then maybe ten more entirely new levels! Then, WOW! not only those but thousands of other possibilities in the Universe!

All of this is possible if we create space, slow down and open a door. And maybe the first thing that needs to happen to improve your sex life has nothing to do with sex. Maybe it’s new creative outlets, a new focus and direction, new places to be, new activities, and even a new way of living. 

All of this was part of my process. It could be part of yours. 

Opening space instead of filling it with more stuff opens doors of possibilities to bliss, pleasure, sexual joy, power, and creativity. Clearing the space supports our Sacred Sexuality; we can now use that space to work with the energy in our bodies to heal, connect deeply with others, manifest our heart’s desires, and connect with the Divine.

We can heal our bodies

Having cleared a channel for additional energy, even a little bit, we can now work with that energy to strengthen our health. We can heal our own bodies. And sexual energy can be incredible juice and fuel for that. 

We can connect deeply with others

We can also explore deep connections. In the space we create, we connect with fellow humans and with the land. We can even choose to invite in new partners. 

I hear so many people come to me lamenting, “I can’t explore sacred sexuality or tantra because I don’t have a partner.” This is not true. We can start with ourselves. 

This is especially important if it feels like you are repeating old relationship patterns or dating some version of the same person. Clearing clutter and opening space in our lives allows us to step into new and more fully alive and authentic versions of ourselves. As we do, we also create the space to magnetize in new relationships that will meet us in that new space. The pattern will shift.

We can manifest our hearts’ desires

In addition to magnetizing people into our lives, the powerful energy of sexuality can be cultivated to create. With the power to bring human life into existence, sexuality also has the power to redirect that into our creative endeavors. Art, work projects, writing a book, creating a home, working on the next expression of your own life. All of this becomes more available as we create space to connect with the vital energy of our being.

We can connect with divine guidance and transcendence

One tenet of sacred sexuality is that by deepening our connection with our authentic sexuality, we can deepen our connection with the Divine, with source — and vice versa! As we explore our connection with all that is and remember who we are, we open a channel to receive the authentic messages of our path. What is it like to slow down so that the messages from the Universe get through? They are there all the time. Can we notice? 

At one time in my life, I was zooming around so fast, my life so filled with physical stuff and time commitments, that I had no space to let any of that guidance in, no space to allow the messages of the Divine that were knocking at my door. 

So they knocked louder. And sometimes that hurts. I found if I waited too long and continually pushed the messages away, the way the guidance came through became a little more painful. 

To change that pattern, I found that if I could open the space and not beat myself up about not getting the message the first time (which was hard for me at first), I could open and receive the gifts of that guidance in a more pleasurable and easeful way. 

Space allows for cultivating our life force and our sexual energy in new ways. Sacred Sexuality is a path of healing, connection, manifesting, and connection with Divine. We can access this through our bodies and beings.

The foundation to allow all of these things to happen is to clear the space. 

Releasing needless things and other forms of clutter opens space to move energy through your body, helping you open up to receive and share your vital life force for better sex, more vibrancy, and more clarity. It also creates room for the relationships or opportunities you seek. 

Plus, it just feels so refreshing! For me, donating goods, recycling what I can, putting things in the trash when necessary, and lighting a powerful fire in a cauldron have been some of my tools for inviting things to move on. We can also let go of long-standing mental and physical habits, relationships, preoccupations, and other things no longer serving our bodies, minds, and spirits. 

And the beautiful thing is, we can start anywhere. What are you willing to let go of to open space in your life?

Footnote 1: See the website for more ideas.  

Leslie is a queer, white, omnisexual, polyamorous, ecosexual, kinky, genderqueer supporter of all beings to be authentically who they are and uses the pronouns they, them. Their work blends Sacred Sexuality, Ancestral Healing, Grief & Emotional release, Anti-Racism work to support collective liberation, self-awareness, vitality, empowerment, and joy. Leslie stewards the land at One Space: a private sanctuary, home, Temple, and community space on four wooded acres in Ann Arbor, Michigan.


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