By John Ashbrook
The importance of loving relationships is becoming more and more obvious as we head into the 21st century. Our external accomplishments cannot provide the deep spiritual fulfillment that all of us so desperately need in our lives. We must look to the cultivation of intimate spiritual relationships to provide the calm, knowing peace of our connectedness with all that is.
Loving intimate relationships challenge us to look inward and discover the truth about ourselves. Our partners are the mirrors of our own souls. When we look deeply into the soul of our chosen partner, we discover ourselves! For this reason, spiritual growth or soul development is greatly enhanced and accelerated when two people choose the path of revealing themselves to each other in patience and open sincerity. There is no greater act of courage than to look deeply and honestly into one’s own soul and then reveal the truth that is found there to another human being.
I believe that the future of intimate, committed relationships is a very positive one. We are heading into an intensely spiritual era. The next decade will be marked by greater strides in the spiritual enlightenment of all humankind. Individuals will place more emphasis on creating lasting, more fulfilling relationships, and society, as a whole, will benefit in countless ways.
With all this in mind, here are several important relationship axioms to keep in mind when you are endeavoring to create a higher state of relating in your own life.
Relationships challenge people to create real involvement. Real involvement means that staking one’s whole being in an intense effort to grow spiritually. This spiritual growth brings each partner’s truth to the surface, where it can be openly examined and worked through. Friction is bound to develop because there are many unrecognized and unresolved problems in both parties. These frictions should be looked upon as stepping stones to personal growth. They should be openly discussed as soon as they surface. In this way, these problems will not be subject to denial or allowed to fester emotionally. As two people work together to discover and expose their truths to themselves and to each other, the need to accuse, blame, or judge will be eliminated. Compatibility will be elevated as both parties learn to approach areas of friction with a positive, constructive attitude.
It is very important to understand that the vibrancy of any relationship is dependent on the willingness of each party to reveal themselves to one another. When we first meet someone and find we are attracted to them, a great part of that attraction is the person’s mystery. We want to know the person in every way possible. This desire to really know the object of our affection creates energy and excitement. It fuels the relationship dynamic. So, as long as two people have the courage to reveal themselves to each other, the relationship remains fresh and vital. However, over time one or both of the parties stop revealing themselves, and the relationship begins to ebb and eventually stagnates. For this reason, it is crucial for each partner to spiritually discover themselves constantly. We all have infinite aspects to discover with our soul, and if we take the time to seek out these infinite expressions and reveal them to ourselves first, then we will have a steady stream of new things to share with our loving partner. Remember, the depths of our souls are infinite: all the aspects of who we are can never be exhausted. We are much, much more than one identity. Recognize this about yourself and your partner.
A loving, harmonious, balanced relationship can never be built where either dependency or control exists. The most successful and fulfilling relationships are created by people who do not need each other. In such a relationship, both parties are independent and free. Their time together is used to create joy in their lives. They are committed to each other in this sense; their relationship must enhance what they already have separately. In the new age, this type of relationship will flourish and become the norm.
Two of the greatest challenges in a loving relationship are vulnerability and peace of mind. True intimacy cannot exist unless someone has the courage to reach out to be vulnerable. At one time or another both partners must run the risk of asking for the gentle understanding sensitivity of the other. Being vulnerable often means receiving love rather than giving love. Connected to this aspect is the concept of peace of mind. It is a particularly difficult task, both ethically and intellectually, to refrain from provoking the insecurities and fears of another human being. This is especially true within the confines of an intimate, committed relationship. The achievement of this peaceful state fosters freedom, trust, and a very high level of honest mental sharing.
True love is not an emotional roller coaster with all of its peaks of ecstasy and valleys of despair; true love is a steady, even-keeled, peaceful state – like a glass smooth lake. There is not a ripple in it. It is a knowing feeling of calm, permanent trust, containing emotions but never ruled by emotion. There are peaks of passion and excitement, but there is also a constant peace of mind, just like the surface of that glass smooth lake. The flow of true love never falls below the level of tranquility; therefore, it remains satisfying at all times. This state of divine love nourishes itself and guarantees the exalted bliss of the eternal now.
